I hate how we have to put up a front to hide our weaknesses, our flaws, and our insecurities. Trying to be strong every hour of everyday gets tiring after a while. Truth is I’m tired and burnt out from chasing dreams that only seem to constantly be miles away. I’m tired of trying to chase after those who come into my life and leave as they please. I’m scared of never feeling good enough for anyone. I’m scared of not doing something amazing with my life. I’m tired of doing enough just to get by. I’m tired putting in effort without getting results. I’m tired of going through the same motions everyday. I’m tired of trying to be someone other people want me to be. I’m tired of pretending to be okay. I just wished more people realized it’s alright to not be okay and that we don’t need to always be fine.
“Stealing is stealing, whether you use a computer command or a crowbar, and whether you take documents, data, or dollars. It is equally harmful to the victim, whether you sell what you have stolen or give it away.”—United States attorney Carmen M. Ortiz, giving “a statement of intellectual property law at its most simple-minded, business-friendly, and injudicious” (via austinkleon)
“If you want to hide something, the worst place to do that is on a social network. That’s where you share. Your brain is where you hide secrets.”—Jeff Jarvis, paraphrasing Eric Schmidt (via austinkleon)
“Over the past decade, better technology has simply reduced the number of things that we need to care about. Lion is better technology. It marks the point where Mac OS X releases stop being defined by what’s been added. From now on, Mac OS X should be judged by what’s been removed.”—John Siracusa (via onethingwell)
“The story goes that ESPN president George Bodenheimer attended the first Disney board meeting in Orlando, Florida, just after the company had bought Pixar, the innovative animation factory, and spotted Apple CEO Steve Jobs in a hallway. It seemed like a good time to introduce himself. “I am George Bodenheimer,” he said to Jobs. “I run ESPN.” Jobs just looked at him and said nothing other than “Your phone is the dumbest fucking idea I have ever heard,” then turned and walked away.”—Tom Shales & James Andrew Miller, from their Those Guys Have All the Fun: Inside the World of ESPN
“Obviously, if you’re tormented, you’re going to get some kind of weird deeper resonance in your work. But if you’re really tormented, you’re usually too overwhelmed to write anything about it. You don’t really have the energy to be thinking about your repertoire or your career when you fucking hate your life. I find it’s best for writing when you’re in a kind of middle spot — not terminally depressed, but not really happy either. ‘Cause when you’re happy, who wants to sit inside and work?”—
I stumble backwards into my apartment as Google+ kisses me hard, furiously yanking at my belt buckle. The hallway is dark. We stumble against a wall, the impact makes a hollow thud. A photo of Facebook and I, hanging on the wall beside us, seesaws and tumbles to the floor, shattering the glass pane that had protected the photo since 2003. The blue florescent glow of the city night peers in between the blinds as I press Google+ against the wall and hike her dress up.
The next morning I see that I have 12 voicemails…all of them from Mark Z Baby. The pet names given during courtship rendered in ultra-ironic digital copy, burning a hole through my capacitive touch screen. A horrid jolt of irony kicks me in the throat like smelling salts.
“Bill…It’s me, Mark. Listen, I talked to Apple and she said you were acting really weird yesterday. She said you were searching the App Store for someone named Google+ and I looked for her on facebook and she’s not even on there…I just…I am confused and worried and I want to talk about this. FB me whenever you get this.”
I slide my thumb to the left across the message and press delete.
I forget that, once you reach a goal, you need a new one. Once you get what you want, you have to want something else. Your accomplishments don’t sustain you for long; they don’t sit in a glass cube in a museum to be admired. Once we get one thing, we need another.
Movies don’t show that though, do they? Take a movie about a man and woman falling in love. We don’t see what happens to the relationship after ~129 minutes of henpecking and grand gestures. We don’t see the fights, we don’t see the infidelity, we don’t see a miscarriage. At the end, all we see is a happy ending. But there are no happy endings – there is one ending, and that ending is death.
“Every writer is a thief, though some of us are more clever than others at disguising our robberies. The reason writers are such slow readers is that we are ceaselessly searching for things we can steal and then pass off as our own…”—Joseph Epstein (via austinkleon)